


words that aren't what i meant

by nuesteens



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Communication, M/M, Misunderstandings, mingyu said jigyu divorced and i said. NO, that fansign vid u know the one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2020-11-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:15:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27693295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nuesteens/pseuds/nuesteens
Summary: a beat, and then mingyu asks, “are we still talking about the fansign?”"what is this, and what are we doing?”it’s a valid question, really.a question mingyu didn’t exactly expect jihoon would ask, but what was he thinking? of course jihoon would want to know, eventually.mingyu has always wished he had jihoon’s bravery, and maybe, even just for this night, he can have the courage jihoon always had.
Relationships: Kim Mingyu/Lee Jihoon | Woozi
Kudos: 51





	words that aren't what i meant

**Author's Note:**

> i saw [this fansign video](https://twitter.com/dindinowo/status/1325725546077069313) and i spiraled so, here we are 
> 
> fic title from lie again ♡
> 
> happy late birthday, uri jihoonie ♡ i love you ♡

“why are you here?”

“hyung?” mingyu asks, confused. “what?”

“i said,” jihoon replies, a little louder, as he moves to place as much space between him and mingyu as physically possible. “i said, why are you here?”

actually, mingyu heard it the first time, but it doesn’t make sense for jihoon to ask him that question when he spends nearly every night in jihoon’s room. the members joke that it’s almost as if their room assignments haven’t changed, what with the two of them still all but living together.

“what do you mean, hyung? i’m always here.”

“why are you here,” jihoon repeats, and mingyu briefly wonders if jihoon is no longer capable of saying anything else. “why are you here, if you don’t miss me?”

“hyung, what are you talking about?”

“i saw the video,” jihoon says, turning to face mingyu, but still not meeting the younger’s eyes. “hansol and chan showed me.”

it was an innocent question, anyway, a simple  _ what do you miss about having woozi as your roommate, _ and mingyu had answered, equally innocent (or so he’d thought), that he doesn’t miss his old roommate. 

not that there was anything to miss, since they still spent so much of their time together, new living assignments be damned, but he couldn’t very well explain  _ that  _ to his fans, could he?

it was an innocent question, but as mingyu watches the way jihoon fidgets and looks anywhere but at him, mingyu realizes that his answer wasn’t as innocent as he thought it was.

if mingyu makes it out of here alive, he’s going to make sure their maknaes will no longer see the light of day. but then again, he only really has himself to blame, doesn’t he?

“hyung, it was a joke. you know that.” mingyu tries very, very hard not to whine, because the last thing he’d want is for jihoon to think that he isn’t taking this conversation seriously. the fact that jihoon even had it in him to ask so directly, despite the other’s fear of confrontations, speaks volumes about how much it must have bothered him.

jihoon stays silent at that for a few moments. when he speaks again, he says, slightly hesitant, “you know the thing shua-hyung says sometimes? about how jokes are half meant?”

“hmm?”

“and how when you say one thing but then do another it’s … it’s scary? you know? throws me off center.”

a beat, and then mingyu asks, “are we still talking about the fansign?”

“what is this, and what are we doing?”

it’s a valid question, really.

what is  _ this _ , and what  _ are they doing _ ?

what do you call what you have with someone who knows your every thought, your every move, and who understands all of them? what do you call what you have with someone you choose to come home to, everyday, be it in a hotel room, the dormitory, or your childhood homes? and what, exactly, do you call what you have with someone your heart would run to even as the rest of you tells you to run away?

what do you call someone who’s been around for just years, but who feels like he’d been there for entire lifetimes? what do you call someone your heart still looks for even after you’ve spent all your days with them, from the practice room, to the studio, to countless stages? and what, exactly do you call someone you want all your days with, from now, to forever, to whatever lies beyond?

maybe they’ve been dancing around each other for so long, mingyu had actually begun to forget that they eventually needed to call them something real.

or maybe he hadn’t forgotten, but had pushed it off from his mind and set it aside because to have something to call them would be to have something to hide. something to break. or worse, something to lose.

and mingyu couldn’t have that with jihoon. he simply couldn’t take the risk.

“hyung,” mingyu finds himself saying. “i don’t want to have to lose anything. i don’t think i could take it if i lost you.”

“don’t you want both of us to have something to keep?”

maybe, just maybe, mingyu had forgotten this: that to have something real wasn’t just to have something to lose. it was to have something to keep, something to hold on to.

and god, does he want to.

“i do, hyung. of course i do.” 

jihoon finally, finally looks up to meet mingyu’s eyes, and in them, there’s a hint of something mingyu knows he’s seen before. it makes mingyu feel invincible, makes him feel like he’s done something right. makes him feel like he can do no wrong.

mingyu wants to freeze this moment, take the light in jihoon’s eyes and place it in a jar, keep it there forever for him to come back to.

it makes a warmth blossom deep in mingyu’s chest, fills him with the urge to reach across the space between them, and so he does. jihoon puts his hand in mingyu’s waiting palm, and it feels like a homecoming. 

and right before he allows himself to be pulled under, lets himself drown in the feeling of jihoon’s lips on his, and the newfound certainty that comes with it, mingyu realizes that he wouldn’t mind always being brave, if this is what courage feels like all the time.

**Author's Note:**

> i've always been perpetually scared of writing jigyu even though they've been my ult for the longest time but maybe we're all about being brave now :D
> 
> come find me on [twt](https://twitter.com/_nuesvt) or [cc](https://curiouscat.me/jigyuisms)!


End file.
